on our own 1. [raise] Nick's fast asleep when he walks in through the front door, tears clouding his vision and he wipes fiercely at them, trying to not scratch the scar on his neck scorchesme. 2. [yes] The sheets are cool against his skin, and he burrows himself deeper into the covers, into Nick's comforting side, who wakes up seconds later "tough case?" and he nods. 3. [layer] Nick doesn't ask why he's sobbing hurtsNicky,myback,hurtsbadNicky, only holds him closer, wraps warm arms around him, presses a firm hand to his shoulder blades, whispering in his ear I'lltrymyhardestGreg,willmakeitgoawayforyou. 4. [sign] Wakes up in the same position, Nick's limbs tangled with his, and he looks out the window, watching the sky turn into brilliant colors, and hopes the new night will be just as beautiful. 5. [try] Days later and Nick walks in the door after a double, face blank, bag slung over hunched shoulders as tears escape distressed eyes brokenwhenI'mlonesome. 6. [give] Approaches him slowly, his own heart breaking from his lover's expression everybodyhurts, and pulls him towards the sofa, where they collapse, Nick pleading into his neck whythelittleboy,whyhim,whynotme. 7. [great] Havetogetcleanagain mumbled softly in his ear and Nick's pulling away, stumbling towards the bathroom sheddinghisskin and he doesn't want to think what made Nick hurt so bad. 8. [compare] Pulls Nick under warm water with him holdontight and reaches for Nick's hands, but red scratches marring soft skin feelsodeadinside. 9. [listen] Grips Nick's chin, presses shaking hands to his own chest, holding them against his heart, I'mhereforyou he says, and makes sure he's heard by saying it again, only this time the Iloveyou is swallowed by the insistent kiss that he returns happily. 10. [choice] Also makes sure that Nick doesn't have a choice other than to forget whatever it was that happened throwitallaway. 11. [pale] The next night and he's pushed out the door hesitation, Nick's hands guiding him, and he looks back, one last time, just to make sure Nick's really okay heldyouallnightlong. 12. [tough] Nick stands in the doorway until he gets in his car, small smile on his face and I'llbeokayGreg,promiseyou called to him, and that'smyboy is said to himself and the silence gravitywantstobringmedown. 13. [risk] Tries to hide the flinch from Sara as the explosion comes, objects flying at the wall protecting them didn'tworklasttimethough repeats in his head, but he tells himself it's not the same heartofmisery. 14. [name] Sneaks away afterwards, heading towards the locker room, pulling out his cell as he walks, speed dial pushed and Stokes said tiredly in his ear; he smiles. 15. [tall] Leans against one of the lockers near the back, where no one can hear him, and laughs into the phone, youfeeluptogoingout,Nicky? and knows tonight they'll be able to forget and be able to live for once. 16. [price] The way Nick greets him isn't exactly what he planned, though he's not complaining, except maybe about the dent in the wall that he sure hopes Nick's paying for. 17. [high] The kiss leaves him breathless and he wishes this could happen outside the safety of their house, but he'll settle for the high he gets off Nick anyday of the week waitingontheworldtochange. 18. [hello] Hi said playfully in his ear, and he smacks Nick on the chest, just as cheerful, laughing as he wanders down the hall to their bedroom withlovingyou. 19. [own] Wherewegoing? called out to him, and he rolls his eyes, and yells back to Nick, Idon'tcare,youchoose! 20. [new] Reaches into their closet and pulls out the shirt bought only days ago, 'Put Some Muscle Between Your Legs' printed on the front, and he knows Nick will appreciate it, hoping he'll act on it, too. 21. [keep] Pulls the soft fabric over his head, letting his newly bleached hair fall over his eyes again, if only for the feeling of Nick dragging nails through the bangs. 22. [under] Sneaks up behind Nick in the bathroom, catching the other man's eyes in the mirror, who smirks as he wraps an arm around him from behind, the other sneaking under the hem of the shirt stretched tight against Nick's shoulders. 23. [compliment] His eyes trail over Nick's choice of attire; ARMY stretched across one side, glasses on his face and hair mussed just enough for his liking; you look great, baby, but what's with the shirt? he asks, and only gets it was the closest they had as well as a chuckle with a shrug. 24. [summer] Typical Vegas heat surrounds them as they venture out their door, though he would never mind a sweaty Nick softly grabbing his hand as they reach the truck, smiling at him, just for him. 25. [red] The lights from the dance floor bounce off his drink, one hand tapping against the side while the other surreptitiously creeps up Nick's thigh, but the predatory look in the other man's eyes shows he doesn't mind. 26. [dance] He grasps the front of Nick's shirt, pulls him into the rhythm, creates their own. 27. [reflect] He feels the many eyes on them, and deftly drags Nick towards the exit, a mischievous smirk on his face, the one Nick knows so well by now. 28. [nail] The frantic way Nick reaches for him as soon the door is shut makes his heart pound, body humming with adrenaline and lust, and as nails drag painfully slow down his chest, he can't help but surge forward, tongue seeking. 29. [remove] They stumble down the hall, Nick fumbling with the buttons on his shirt before ripping it off, and he knows the next morning Nick will apologize, but he won't care, not really, because now it's chest to chest, and that's all he really needs. 30. [hands] Fingers twisted together squeezereleasegrasp and he wouldn't trade it for anything. 31. [stop] Their movements are no longer rushed, instead slow and languid, relaxed and carefree, though never ceasing, and these are the times he treasures most, in peaceful revelry. 32. [noise] He's coming undone, words pouring out of his mouth that he won't ever regret, especially when they're whispered into his ear as sleep claims him. 33. [job] Time comes for work and they drag each other out the door, latched together and they don't realize it won't be this peaceful for a long time. 34. [open] Watches silently skinquiveringuncontrollably as Nick pushes, pushes with all his heart, tries to get out, can almost hear his thoughts can'tgetoutletmeoutpleaseplease. 35. [touch] No one's looking and suddenly he's lifting a hand to touch Nick's face on the screen, snapping it back as if burned inthisstolenmoment. 36. [water] Forces himself away from the fountain in the hall, throat dry and protesting his decision, but he won't do anything Nick can't thatboxeduphell. 37. [save] Heart pounding, he bursts in the hospital room; he's got to see feeltouchrealize that Nick's actually there, not still underground, that he's alive, pushing the fact that he almost wasn't away to the back of his mind whisperinthedeadman'sear. 38. [sell] The white-cloaked doctor stands in his way, and hopes the taller man will understand that he'd do anything to get in that room - give up his soul, though it belongs to Nick, so it wouldn't matter in the end, anyways sendsomeguidance. 39. [next] It's exactly a week after when Nick's released from the hospital and he can see the nervous glint in those dark eyes, those same eyes in which fear and hate and thoughts of the death that almost happened ifmorningevercomes. 40. [please] The first night home and Nick's clinging to him on their bed terrifiedanguished, shirt clutched in a fierce grip andI'ddoanythingforyou. 41. [pet] The skin on Nick's face isn't as soft as before, instead scarred from ants and exhaustion and helplessness; he 's determined to be the one who fixes it all thepressofeverykiss. 42. [shadow] He arrives home early that morning, and when he pulls into the driveway, mind tired and worn down, he spots Nick splayed out on the bench on their porch, eyes latched onto the bright early sunrise it'snottheonlybeautifulthingthismorning. 43. [always] Knowing Nick's reaction time is a little slower now, something that surprised them all, he leans against the railing, and not a second later recognition flashes in those once so lively eyes tobefreeofthistorment. 44. [content] He smiles down at Nick, stepping forward to sit beside him; Nick doesn't look at him, only reaches to twist their fingers together, eyes locked on the brilliant colors lighting up the new day, and Nick finally speaks to him I'm watching the sun again. 45. [certain] He doesn't have to think about why this is so special to Nick, because it's not the first time he's been caught pondering the simple things of life lately. 46. [scorch] He sits there with Nick for who knows how long, bodies pressed close together, and even though the sun shines down on them, the warmth they share is different than that. 47. [bore] Long after the sun's high above their heads, they sit there, wrapped together, and he nods off twice on Nick's chest before he's being lifted into strong arms howitusedtobe and being led into the house. 48. [study] Wakes up hours later, buried under covers with Nick as his pillow, and looks closerintothoseeyes at the tired face tilted towards his. 49. [minute] Pushes himself up on his elbows to kiss Nick lightly on the lips, then resting his cheek against Nick's, waiting for him to wake up chancetomakeitlast. 50. [limit] He's never been this grateful before, grateful for the fact that Nick is here, lying next to him on their bed; just couldn't be happier that Nick didn't reach that point in that box Iwon'tletthisbuildupinsideofme. feedback